Everything that happens in my life is a lesson to be learned from. It's funny because if something goes good, well I figure I learned the lesson, bring on a new one. Well. I'm slowly realizing that it doesn't work that way. Every situation that presents itself is one to learn from each time, a good outcome one time (qualifying for Boston) doesn't guarantee a good outcome the next time (running Boston).
Training for this trail run has been a real challenge. We had a cold winter, there was down time with the flu/cold and this week-end there was my family. I found my self missing my family on the week-end. My daughter wanted me home Sunday morning. I'm a stay at home mom and always excused my time away from them because I spend so much time with them during the week. But I think I'm starting to burn out a little here because I couldn't stand the thought of not being with Grace, Zak and Scott on Sunday morning. I had to make a decision cut time from my training plan and be with the family or train.
Now, this may sound like an excuse to some, if I were reading this post I would start screaming, EXCUSE, just an excuse to get out of running, but like I said, I'm really starting to have this burned out feeling. Just blah. I'm finding nothing positive from hitting the paths, streets and trails. It's just countless, endless hours of moving. It's not a good feeling at all.
I'm the kind of person that doesn't stray from a training plan. Not gonna happen. If it told me to run 4 hours and 7 minutes before the sun rises then that's what I'm doing. I'm just not feeling that anymore though. Ok, GOD I'm getting it. In need to loosen up.
I did end up running 22.5 on Saturday with trail master Dennis. I like that new title. Our tri mate Jeff named him that. Many know him as RunBubbaRun. I guess I could call him Trail Master Bubba. We got out early and hit the path in the dark. It distracted me from my negative thoughts for a while. It was one great experience. Except a duck kept following me, or maybe it wasn't a duck :O. (Gotta figure out what's causing that) We would see the deer and a racoon running from us. The birds would sing every once in a while. It sounded like they were on my shoulder they were so close. Like I said it was great. Caroline and I got 20 in Sunday. 3 hours 40 minutes. I was supposed to do 5 hours.
Here's the best part about the runs this week-end. After thinking about it and beating myself up for not getting all of it in, I gave myself permission to let it go. Hope I'm not losing anyone with the pshych babble but really, it felt so good to just say, I did what I could. I could do no more than that. I'm not saying I'm completely giving up the running plan and what ever will be will be but I have to start to relax a little here or I will self destruct.
My new plan. Run, run, and run some more but relax. I will finish the 50 miles in April. I have 24 hours to do it. So, if I'm crawling across at 23:59.59, then it is what it is. Ok, honestly can't stand the thought of that but if I have to learn to except that, then I will. :)