Thursday, April 30, 2009

Thyroid Rollercoaster

"You will be feeling uncomfortable just a little while longer." the doc tells me Monday at my 10 a.m. appointment.

I went armed with a page full of questions - I had written my "unable to consentrate - why?" question twice. Jeez, what was that telling her.

Brought my heart rate monitor. I probably looked like an idiot wearing it in the waiting room. I didn't think to just put the transmitter, my Garmin 305, in my purse. I hate purses. Showed the doc how low my HR was now. It was 54 while we sat and talked. I complained for it being high, now it's to low. Stop the heart meds. She believes they are the culprit to the memory and the insomnia. She told me not to throw them away though. I may need them after the ablation.

So, I will ride this roller coaster for just a little longer. I hope. :) The thyroid ablation is scheduled for Thursday. GOD I'm hoping the radiologist has a good night sleep next Wednesday and things go as planned on Thursday. From what I have read and have been told things won't get back to normal over night but I'm seeing an end to this, well, eventually.

I'm trying to find humor in this experience. There have been some really funny things (they weren't funny at the time but they are now) that have happened. I'll try to get my thoughts together and share them with you soon.

I have a feeling this coming week the ride is gonna get really bumpy though, without the antithyriod meds and the heart meds. So if you see me and I don't say hello or do say some off the wall thing please don't take it personally. And there's a good chance the deep heavy sighing is gonna come back. I'm not bored with what you are saying. I'm just waiting for my turn to get off this crazy ride.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Moments of Clarity

I'm learning that there are certain things in life, everyday that you just can't control.

I'm a very controlling person. Not in the sense that I try to transform others into who I think they should be but in sense that my life should be a certain way. I should feel a certain way. If it's not, I'm not, then I can fix it. Well, there are some things you can't fix in a matter of minutes. It takes time. Weeks. Even months.

I'm having moments of clarity. When I say that I mean, there are times now when I actually feel normal. Like my old self. I've been avoiding people because my tolerance of just about anything is NONE.
I noticed about 10 days ago, while running from the car to the neighborhood Easter egg hunt that I was running. I was running and there was no chest pain or even rapid heart beat. I was cautious about having this good feeling. Sure enough by the afternoon something changed and things got fuzzy and I got crabby but it was then that I realized I couldn't control hyperthyroidism.

So now, I'm trying to just sit back and ride this bumpy ride of my life. And when the moments of clarity come I will enjoy and know that in time I will have more and more.
Oh, if you're wondering why the pictures of the kids. Well, I wanted to post them even though this post has nothing to do with what the pictures are about. When I'm thinking like I can tell a story (which many of you know I love to talk and tell things in great detail) I'll let you know what's going on. In the mean time, I'm sure most of you can make a pretty good guess.