Wednesday, February 25, 2009
So, the next day my friend walks in and I tell her I saw the show. She's laughing and reciting what was said the night before and I stop her and tell her I thought it was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Yes, I can be a bit of a prude. I continue by saying there is no way children talk like that. She insists that from the time she was in kindergarten the children in her neighborhood (a nice suburb southwest of Chicago) talked like the kids on the program. I argued with her profusely. I usually let things roll but I insisted there was absolutely no way small children use that language. I didn't even consider using the "4" letter words until 5th grade. And that was mild stuff like crap, sh@! (see I don't even want to spell shit), and every 1975 5th graders favorite, asshole.
Well, my dear karma just bit me right in the a@@. You know what's coming don't you. I didn't. Had no clue.
Zak's teacher Miss M. calls this afternoon to tell me that Zak has been dropping the F-bomb at school. I'm not sure what she said next because my heart skipped a beat and I lost all hearing from the embarrassment I was feeling. Apparently two other boys have also been using the word all over the place. The teacher hasn't heard Zak say it, only the 2 other boys but they are pointing their tiny little fingers right in the direction of
Z A K.
Ok, I would love to act like I had absolutely no idea where my son heard this word. It would be easy to blame the 5th grader next door, Zak's teenage cousins, the music and movies that use profanity for all to hear. But, I'd be kidding myself. I use the word when I am at my worst.
So, I will stand along side my son and we will both have our mouths washed out with soap. Yes, I'm gagging already.
And, you might be wondering why I would even admit to this? Well, it's out there. It happened. It actually makes me feel a little better confessing it so publicly. I blame my catholic up bringing for feeling this way. Maybe if I were running right now, I could run my embarrassment away and spare myself the public humiliation but I'm not. It's hard to jog away from humiliations, it's quicker than a 12 minute pace. UGH! So that's that.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
No caffeine. Nope, none. I've noticed that even with the heart meds, the caffeine just sends the HR soaring. So as of today I will no longer be having any icy cold coca cola or warm Cinnamon tea.
I'm wondering, when things return to normal, and the doc tells me they will, will I return to my nasty caffeine habit? Or am I going to learn to live without it.
A few weeks back when I couldn't sleep I watched the movie Gone Baby Gone. It was a good movie, a little disturbing. It got me to thinking is there really such a thing as a "life changing experience".
My sister and Debs looked at me as if I was crazy and then started spewing examples at me. But I just can't help but think that when the "life changing experience" happens things change for a while but then we just go back to our old ways? Is death the only life changing experience we experience?
Huh, I wrote all this just because I stopped drinking caffeine.
Please don't misunderstand me for being some cold, dishearted person. I'm just wondering. Cause Debs and Patty didn't sell me on this.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I guess I should really write February 2001. That was when my sister and I first had Dove chocolate hearts. Ok, I'm gonna ramble now. In 2001 Patty went to her yearly eye doc checkup. Patty has terrible vision. Anyway, the doc thought he saw a weakening of some blood vessels. Did some more tests and sent her to a specialist because he was certain Patty had a brain aneurysm. I was sick with worry. It was a long 2 week wait for her to have her tests done and then to get the results. During that time, of course we both went to work. We both worked in the city, she was in the loop at the time, I was on the west side. I worked crazy hours. I never got out of work before 5, ever. But one day as luck would have it, I left around 4 p.m. Also, I never took the train. I hate the train. To sit with all those people, coughing, sneezing, bumping you, I HATE THE TRAIN. But on this day I was leaving early and Scott was working late so I took the train and by some twist of fate, Patty was off early and she ended up on the same one. Literally we walked into each other getting on. It was awesome. We found a seat and she just so happened to have a bag of Dove Milk Chocolate hearts. We ate and laughed about nothing the entire ride home. We ate the whole bag. It was wonderful. It's one of my favorite memories I have with her. I didn't hate the train that day. So the point of 2/13/09? Patty was home from work so I went to Walgreens and got a bag of Dove Hearts and went to see her. It was good. We only ate about 5 hearts each though. (?) Hmmm, I must have eaten a big breakfast.
Thursday 2/12 - Friday 2/13
I went for Thyroid Uptake and Scan on the Thursday. Doc wanted to see what's going on in there and she said this is the best way to do it. So at 7:45 a.m. on Thursday I found myself in the radiology department of the hospital, in a sealed room taking some radioactive iodine. It left me with really creepy feeling. I was wondering if I was going to start glowing green. The radiologist told me to come back at 1:30 for my test. So I did. It took about 20 minutes. It was kind of like have a really long x-ray taken. 3 times. When I was leaving I saw my pictures on the computer and asked the radiologist if that was my thyroid? Honestly, that was all I wanted to know. Yup, he tells me and then says "see it looks like a butterfly an is now flying away" and then clicks it off the screen. Then nearly pushed me out of the room. Ok, he needs a lesson on how to be a descent human being. Not even "nice" just descent. Friday I went back for 5 minutes. I think just to make sure all the radioactive iodine is out of my system. It must have been cause I got to leave right after the test.
I couldn't stand my heart racing for another minute so I told the doc I wanted to start the beta blockers. I picked them up from the pharmacy at night and took it immediately. I felt like a meth addictive needing a fix. Then I waited. I picked up Gracie from dance and still waiting. I probably asked myself every 5 minutes if I thought I was feeling better. Then Scott took over that question asking for me. Are you feeling better now? How about now? Is it working? Can you feel it now? Well, by the time I went to bed it was working. I couldn't feel my heart pounding. It was such a relief. Until about 10 a.m. the next morning. When the pounding and anxiety started up again. I wrote it off to I probably have to have the meds build up in my system. By the week-end it didn't even feel like I was taking anything. The relief I felt earlier was gone. What the heck is happening to me?
The heart was racing but I was determined to jog with the kids. I was able to go 2 miles with them and the jog out 5 miles, average 10:40 pace and kept and average heart rate of 142. It felt so good. Got say every step I made was a conscious one. I was proud that I could maintain a consistant pace and a fairly consistant HR. But then I could get the HR to come down. I managed to keep it in the 90's while getting dinner on the table and during our wii bowling tourney - I won the second game! Of course it went up when I was jumping up and down :)
Called the doc and asked for an increase in heart meds. I never in a million years thought I would have to take heart meds. Ok, I know it's temporary. She told me she got the results of my test and my entire thyroid is enlarged with nodules on it. I need to decide on what type of treatment route I want to take. Honestly, I don't like either one because I'm probably going to have to take a pill for the rest of my life. But, it's not like it's going to interfere with my lifestyle. I can still run and be a wife and mother and be happy. So it's all good. Now, which one should I pick. I told the doc I'll tell her by the end of the week.
Oh! Oh my gosh. I almost forgot the high light of my Sunday. We were walking into church and the usher asked us to carry the gifts to the alter. I was so excited. I had to keep myself in check and it took a lot to just listen to the Homily. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to carry the gifts up. Well, I didn't get to carry but I got to walk with Scott behind the kids as they carried the wine and host. Ah, life is good. :)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Her sister and friends have organized a Jewel Shop and Share. Please click the link to get your shop and share coupon! http://www.michellesracetorecovery.com/shop_share.html
If you aren't familiar with Shop and Share, then let me explain. All you need to do is shop at Jewel on 2/9, 2/10 or 2/11, get the items you need and when you pay for them present the cashier with the coupon below. Yup, it's that simple. A portion of what you spent will go to a fund to help with all the expenses that have been incured during Michelles battle. How easy is that? Well, I'll make it even easy for you.... Jewel is having some great deals this week!
Here's the link to this weeks savings http://jewelosco.shoplocal.com/jewelosco/default.aspx?action=nuep&adref=jewel_osco_homepage
Friday, February 6, 2009
When I first discovered the lump I freaked out. It was on my birthday. WOE, what is that? I thought. The hubby confirmed he felt something too, I called the doc.
After blood work and an ultrasound, it was determined my thyroid gland was enlarged and I'm now hyperthyroid. The bad news was I'm not the hyperthyroid that makes you nice and skinny. Just one of my hormones was elevated. The moody one not the weight one.
Well, around Christmas the lump seemed bigger. It felt like I could feel it in my throat when I was running or biking. Checked with the hubby .... again .... and he told me I was freaking him out so I called the doc .... again.
Ok, I'm babbling here. Had another ultrasound and there are now 3 nodules on the thyroid. Again, the doc isn't concerned. She is keeping an eye on it. I go back to see her in 6 weeks.
Here's my point! And it sucks!! Hyperthyroidism causes an increased heart beat. My heart has been racing all over the place. I lay down at night and it feels like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. I have gone from a resting heart rate of 56 to 73. Now for some, 73 is good. But for me, well, that's starting zone 2. When you're laying down and wanting to relax but your heart is acting like you are up and doing the laundry, it's hard to still your mind to fall asleep.
Well, I'm still training. It actually takes my mind off of this whole thing. I have to say if there is a positive to all of this its I don't get as cold as usually do. And many of us know it has been cold outside, really cold! I would rather be cold and have a normal heart rate. My normal. Huh, I never thought I would be happy with "my normal" I'm trying to keep it all good. :)
Monday, February 2, 2009
You always root for the underdog. That's why you never win March Madness.
Let's just say gambling was legal in your fine state. But you know it's not. And you would never do anything illegal. But if it were you would play one of those pool games where you get numbers for both teams and then wait until the end of each quarter to see if your numbers match the score.
Let's just say the game gets to be to much to watch cause your team is losing. So you clean up the mess from the nachos and guacomole, get your daughter in the shower while giving your son a hair cut and then get your son in the shower while getting your daughter in clean jammies, then get your son in his clean jams and give him his breathing treatment. Your kids are now ready for bed, so you start sweeping the floor and notice that the game is in the 4th quarter and there is only a minute left. You are amazed because the underdog is now winning! You are upset because the other team has the ball and enough time to score. You start rooting for the defense to stop the drive until you realize that if the other team puts 7 points on the board you win the football pool.
I imagine the last 60 seconds would be tortore for you. Do you want the money? Or the fan glory?
Ok, now what would you do with the money? Would you pay for Masters swimming? Or your kids soccer?