Thursday, October 15, 2009

If I'm Dreaming - Please Don't Wake Me

I realized I wanted children after my nephew Timothy was born. Let me rephrase that, after my niece Jessica was born I learned about the unconditional love of a baby but 5 months later when Timothy joined our family, I knew in my heart I was meant to be a mother.

I could never imagine it though. Never fantasized about. Not sure why but I did know that's what I wanted and I would be good at it.

We learned about 2 years into our marriage that the odds me getting pregnant were slim to none. So life went on. I started running and then thanks to Cin biking and eventually swimming. It helped fill time along with work and spending time with the nieces and nephews.

I'm not looking for pity when I say this but I would cry when the kids would leave or they would say they needed their mom. I was just the auntie, no matter how close you are to a child, no one can replace a mother.

Somehow, someway, all the planets aligned. GOD heard our prayers. We were blessed with twins in 2002 and I believe in my heart that my training days for anything were over. My priority was my family.

Just like the years leading up to our children taught me how to live, the years since having the children have taught me as well.

There is a balance and right now, today, in this moment. I feel as though I have mastered the balance. I usually balk at talking about the good. I worry that karma will show the bad if you brag how good things are but I just can't help myself right now.
I have my health, my husband and children, family and friends. Somehow I have the time to run/bike/swim, laundry, make dinner and volunteer. It is to good to be true. It is the fantasy I never allowed myself to have. I am blessed and will live one moment at a time. I live to the fullest because tomorrow will bring challenges, probably some I don't think I can handle but I will. Anyone reading this, live your dreams, they do come true.

No comments: