If I'm Dreaming - Please Don't Wake Me

I realized I wanted children after my nephew Timothy was born. Let me rephrase that, after my niece Jessica was born I learned about the unconditional love of a baby but 5 months later when Timothy joined our family, I knew in my heart I was meant to be a mother.

I could never imagine it though. Never fantasized about. Not sure why but I did know that's what I wanted and I would be good at it.

We learned about 2 years into our marriage that the odds me getting pregnant were slim to none. So life went on. I started running and then thanks to Cin biking and eventually swimming. It helped fill time along with work and spending time with the nieces and nephews.

I'm not looking for pity when I say this but I would cry when the kids would leave or they would say they needed their mom. I was just the auntie, no matter how close you are to a child, no one can replace a mother.

Somehow, someway, all the planets aligned. GOD heard our prayers. We were blessed with twins in 2002 and I believe in my heart that my training days for anything were over. My priority was my family.

Just like the years leading up to our children taught me how to live, the years since having the children have taught me as well.

There is a balance and right now, today, in this moment. I feel as though I have mastered the balance. I usually balk at talking about the good. I worry that karma will show the bad if you brag how good things are but I just can't help myself right now.

I have my health, my husband and children, family and friends. Somehow I have the time to run/bike/swim, laundry, make dinner and volunteer. It is to good to be true. It is the fantasy I never allowed myself to have. I am blessed and will live one moment at a time. I live to the fullest because tomorrow will bring challenges, probably some I don't think I can handle but I will. Anyone reading this, live your dreams, they do come true.

While You're Away

Taking a break from training was tough. I was very bitter for a long time and then gradually gave into the fact that I have to be patient and hopefully my time to run, bike and swim would come again. I was given a taste of that time last summer only to be sidelined in August for 6 more weeks.

Well, shortly after Louisville, I was given the thumbs up from my doc and started training again. It was tough. I think it was harder starting up again after the sinus thing than it was from the thyroid stuff. I was determined though to start out slow and work my way back.

It's funny when you take a break from something you love, you're determined that you will never miss a beat now that you have a "2nd" chance to get out there again. Nothing will stand in your way, you will find the time and there is no excuse that can keep you away.

That's the way I felt, until Sunday morning ....

I responded to an email thread that I would be out there Sunday morning, warmly dressed and ready to ride. Saturday night I prepared for the cold that I knew would greet me once I opened the garage door. Got to bed early (around 9:30) and I couldn't wait to get out there and ride with the cold. Yup, the cold was going to be just one of my training buddies. If wind wanted to join us, fine. The more the merrier. My attitude was polished perfect and nothing was going to get in my way of doing what I love to do.

Well, I didn't plan on Gracie needing a breathing treatment at 11:00. Fell back to sleep around 12. (I ended up breaking down and buying a watch, cause it was only $16 at Penny's, how could I not buy a new one for that price - but I'm not back to timing everything, thankfully, that obsessive part of me has not returned.) How do I know that, well, I remember 12 being the last time I looked at my watch. Was awakened by her coughing around 3:30. Scott was kind enough to get out of bed to give her a treatment. Unfortunately, he couldn't find the medicine, so I was up, in the cold of our house, getting the med. I snapped at him to go back to sleep and he was more than happy to crawl under the warm blankets. I gave my little one her breathing treatment. I found myself drifting back to sleep from the hum of the machine. Only to be awakened by the choking sound of the medicine cup emptying. I have a huge fear (this won't surprise any of you) of the nebulizer tube rapping around one of the kids necks and choking them while sleeping so I do my best not to fall a sleep when they take a treatment. Ok, so I shut of the machine and tuck it way so no one is strangled. It's just after 4:15 now, good, I have an hour and a half of good sleep time left. I take my thyroid meds now, because they have to be taken on an empty stomach and I need to eat when I get up .... blah, blah blah .... take the meds and try to fall back to sleep. Keep checking the time and it's now 5:15. CRAP! Ok, at 5:30 I'm getting up. So of course I fall asleep.

The alarm wakes me up at 6. Now, I feel sleep deprived (although I'm not really). I kick off the blankets to get out of bed and it's freezing! FREEZING!!! I pull the covers back on and whine to myself that I'm not going. NOPE. Not gettin out of bed.

While laying there, I'm thinking how I wrote I would be there. I thought about how I prepared to ride just 9 hours earlier and how I teased Randich a couple days earlier and if I didn't show up I would be subject to endless needling from him.

I got up, ate. Yoga'd. Dressed. Scott helped me duck tape my booties to my feet. I had to drive to the ride because of my procrastinating at 6. Made it to the start with minutes to spare.

We rode just about 28 miles. I held onto the draft almost the entire time. My heart rate stayed pretty steady and for the most part my hands and feet stayed warm. There were 5 of us out there braving the cold. We all thought it wasn't quite as cold as we thought it was going to be but it was cold none the less.

And, right now,

Life

is

Good :)

SI

Hey Everyone!!! - Look - SI is blogging again - check out the scott-i link on the side .....

Louisville - With Pictures

Sorry this post has taken so long to get to. I'm feeling really good now, so while doing my best to keep up with house work and family, volunteering at school, religious ed and training - I have been pleasantly distracted away from this blog. It's rainy here today, the perfect time to sit and write a little something for you to read ....

Laura at the door of our room. One the smallest hotel rooms I've stayed in. I think the rooms on a cruise may be a bit smaller - but not much. That's the room. The whole room. I'm standing next to the desk and the door to get in. The bathroom is just to my left. Good thing we're not big people, and I'm not kidding when I say that. You almost had to stand in the tub to close the bathroom door. If any one is wondering if we shared the bed, the answer is yes, I could say something funny about that but I won't :) Not to change the subject but here's me at the swim out. It was a beautiful afternoon. The water was choppy though. It didn't look inviting at all and I was hoping it would calm down for the next morning. Here are some pics of team spectate!!! Yes, we had a large group down there to watch and cheer on our buddies. I was worried about feeling kind of old or out of place, I'm not much of a party person but I didn't feel out of place at all. These are a great bunch of people. Let's see, I think the official name of the group was "super spectators" - was that it? Barbara was our fearless leader and lead us she did. Thanks to her we knew exactly where to go and stand and not miss a thing. We were up early race day morning. I think it was just before 4 a.m. which would mean 3 a.m. Chicago time! We checked out of the hotel this early cause we weren't sure about the day and didn't want to have to worry about doing it later. Laura and I met Dennis in the lobby of his hotel around 5:15. It was down to bike transition, body marking and then over to the swim waiting area. Seeing transition, I had a tweek of a desire to be there and over by body marking, I felt the sameway. My heart was jumping all over the place by this time. I was wondering if I was having signs of a thyroid relapse or something. Literally it jumped around all that day. I think it was the excitement of the day because it has since settled down. The line to the swim entry was neverending long. It would be enough to unrattled the most prepared athlete. It just kept going, and going and going. Plus it was very dark. Finally we made it to this sign and then waited for just about an hour to start moving again. From this point on it was race time. The athletes were moving and so were we to watch them. It was so much fun seeing them out there. Screaming for them. Here's Val and her hubby, to the right and then Chris, Barbara and Karen to the left. Me and Laura had a plan to spectate the biker's - "more cow bell" .... Thankfully the weather was great. The athletes did an awesome job. The was long. I know, anyone reading this that participated is thinking, huh, really long for you huh?! Honestly it was long for all of us. But I can't think of any other way to spend it. I was glad to be there. Watching. It helped me put things in perspective. And remind me just what I put the hubby and family thru back in 2007. In the end it is all about family and friends being there for you. Being there while you train, being there while you race. Supporting you, even on the days when you think they aren't. I got to see a couple of 1st time Ironman finishers and I got to witness a friend qualify for Kona. Plus, I got to know someone a little better. Me and Laura had a fun ride home. We were tired but made it in 4 hours! It was a day I won't soon forget.