I learned some things about myself with the thyroid experience but the biggest thing I learned is to live in the moment. (For anyone who followed my training for IMOO, I'm sure you're thinking, hey, I thought that was the life lesson you learned from that experience - well I guess I didn't.)
The past several months were filled with a mind that was skipping around as fast as my heart rate to right now I have a feeling of being very calm. I'm probably as closed to centered as I could feel. Mymind is racing all the time, just not scattered. So it was torture having it race as fast as my heart rate.
We live in a world of complete distraction. We put ourselves there with TV, iPods, computers (blogging & facebook), blackberries or cell phones. Add all the caffiene that's available to use for a small price of course. Add all the surgary goodness of the cakes and ice creams, and the candy that is put right at the checkout counter of the grocery store. Add how easy it is to stop by and pick up dinner because you've been distracted by everything else mentioned above to make dinner. My mind was lost on so many levels.
I would go to bed at night sometimes and wonder why I didn't finish the laundry or get the car cleaned out or why was I snapping at Scott, Gracie or Zak. It's because of the distractions I created with the stuff above.
I know I want to be a better mom, wife, person. I know I want to be a better cyclist, runner swimmer. I want to be a true friend.
I got a wake up call. Sometimes words are tough to live by but I need to start living in the moment again and turn off the distractions.
I rode in the moment yesterday. I kept up with the big kids for a while. It felt so good. When I fell back I was ok with it. It just felt good being there. That's what I missed and I got the feeling back yesterday. I want to go into to detail about the perfect weather, no wind, hanging onto the draft but I won't. I'll just say the ride was sweet - as sweet as all the candy I used to eat. :)
Oh, one more thing, I'm still gonna blog. I like doing this but I'll only be coming by every once in a while. I have an entire summer to spend with my kids. We're going to the park now. Have you tried the monkey bars lately? Now there's something that could distract your mind for a while. Holy crap they're not easy anymore. When did that happen - when did they get so hard to get across? :)
Monday, June 22, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
No Ironman
I was faced with a difficult decision. Do I attempt to do the Ironman this August or do I scrap the whole thing. What to do .....
After talking to the doctor, talking to Scott and praying, I have decided not to participate in Louisville.
This was not an easy conclusion to reach. The cost of the race is expensive and the likely hood of getting any money back is slim to none. Although I have written a letter to the race director and am waiting to hear from him. Times are tough right now, my husband is the bread winner in our household. I spend, he earns, so to throw $575 out the window, even writing it sucks. Personally, I had a dream of racing this time around. I convinced myself in January that my rapid heart rate would turn into a "super heart" allowing me to recover quicker and faster there for making it much easier for me to race fast. Yes, I'm admitting this publicly. This obviously didn't happen. Getting thru a 2 hour bike ride or a 5 mile run is about tops on what I can handle.
But, I knew in my heart that there would be one person that no matter what I said about not doing it, no matter what the excuse - he wouldn't get it. He's a good friend and says he understands but I know him and I know he doesn't.
I know this is a mark on my record that will never be erased with him and I will be looked at differently. But this is what I know about my friend. See, I used the word friend and not my corny term "tri-mate" or even his really name. He's my friend. He can and will judge me but at the end of the day or race or decision, he will remain my friend. And he has.
This post isn't an attempt to turn the light bulb on over your head my friend and make you see why I'm choosing not to participate but rather it is a post telling you I get where your coming from. Keep sending me the inspirational comeback stories and messages. I will read them and learn from them. But I don't think I'm going to change my mind about this one. And the day will come when I am well rested and you will NEVER catch me on the bike and I will greet you at the finish line.
Train smart. Race safe.
After talking to the doctor, talking to Scott and praying, I have decided not to participate in Louisville.
This was not an easy conclusion to reach. The cost of the race is expensive and the likely hood of getting any money back is slim to none. Although I have written a letter to the race director and am waiting to hear from him. Times are tough right now, my husband is the bread winner in our household. I spend, he earns, so to throw $575 out the window, even writing it sucks. Personally, I had a dream of racing this time around. I convinced myself in January that my rapid heart rate would turn into a "super heart" allowing me to recover quicker and faster there for making it much easier for me to race fast. Yes, I'm admitting this publicly. This obviously didn't happen. Getting thru a 2 hour bike ride or a 5 mile run is about tops on what I can handle.
But, I knew in my heart that there would be one person that no matter what I said about not doing it, no matter what the excuse - he wouldn't get it. He's a good friend and says he understands but I know him and I know he doesn't.
I know this is a mark on my record that will never be erased with him and I will be looked at differently. But this is what I know about my friend. See, I used the word friend and not my corny term "tri-mate" or even his really name. He's my friend. He can and will judge me but at the end of the day or race or decision, he will remain my friend. And he has.
This post isn't an attempt to turn the light bulb on over your head my friend and make you see why I'm choosing not to participate but rather it is a post telling you I get where your coming from. Keep sending me the inspirational comeback stories and messages. I will read them and learn from them. But I don't think I'm going to change my mind about this one. And the day will come when I am well rested and you will NEVER catch me on the bike and I will greet you at the finish line.
Train smart. Race safe.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Michelle
July 21, 1967 - June 3. 2009
Rest in peace my teacher, my tri-mate, my friend.
You taught me so much. You're spirit will ride with me on Sunday mornings and race days.
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