The Final Chapter in my Ironman Journey

Saturday - 4:15 p.m.

Gil, Theresa and I walked to St. Patrick's Church to say a few prayers. On our way I saw Iron Wil. I was thinking about her and was happy to see her, hug her and wish her luck. At church I prayed.

Dear Lord - Please keep Scott, Doug, Gil, Dennis, Tom, Mike, Herb, Brian and me safe during our journey tomorrow. Please keep all the athletes safe. Give us the strength to deal with whatever mental and physical challenges come our way. Amen.

I said this over and over and was snapped out of it by the sound of my phone vibrating on the church pew. It was my brother calling to tell me he won, yes won, his golf tournament. How cool is that :)

Sunday Race Day

I was awakened at 3 by Zak. He was coughing and it was becoming more frequent so I gave him a breathing treatment. Scott told me he would finish it to go lay down. Once the hmmming of the breathing machine stopped I realized I wasn't falling back to sleep. Scott wasn't either. The next hour was filled with something we haven't done for a long time. We talked, uninterrupted. We laughed and joked. Around 4 he headed down stairs and got us some breakfast. I did some yoga. We ended up eating in the bathroom. It's funny how that doesn't bother you when you're limited to 350 square feet and 2 sleeping children . The bagel and tea tasted really good. The egg tasted bitter so I washed it down with gatorade. Scott was doing his best to help me keep my nerves at bay. 5 o'clock arrived pretty quick. I was dressed and out the door to drop off my special needs stuff. On my way down to the drop boxes I called Caroline and left her a message. She was doing the Chicago half today and I wanted to wish her luck. On my way back I called Keri. I teared up a little when I was talking to her. She told me she hoped to see me before the swim but if not - that I would do great and she would see me in transition. I then talked with my mom and Patty and was wished well by both of them. I got back to the room and grabbed by swim stuff. I kissed the kids while they slept and hugged and kissed Scott for the last time. I had to get to my run bag before getting marked and to my bike. I had plenty of time. It was about 5:30. Found my run bag and dropped off my Moo Crew hat that my trimates signed. Got in line to be marked. 2364 I said as the big fat sharpie formed the numbers on my arms and legs. I started to walk away and I heard someone calling my name. Several times. It was still dark and the glare of the lights was making it difficult to see. "Pam" I heard her again. It was Dennis's wife and little girl. Uh, I was so happy to see them. She asked how I was feeling. She told me how they got ready for the day and how well the little one was handling the early wake up call. Then I saw Dennis. He looked a little nervous. I hugged him twice and knew I wouldn't see him again until the end. Took the long, long walk to my bike. I was 3 racks from the out / bike mount. Lines were forming to pump tires. I put my cup on my bike and filled it, then filled one bottle with gatorade and the other with water. Put my ham sandwich in the bento box and my phone in the little box under my seat, that Keri lent me. Turned to check and make sure I didn't forget anything. Hey, where is my wetsuit? There's my cap, my goggles, my dry clothes bag. UGH! It was on the bed in the room. I forgot it! Don't panic I kept telling myself. But I did. I looked at the tire pump line and now it looked twice as long. Then I spotted a woman with a Joe Blow pump. I explained to her that I had forgotten my wet suit and needed to pump my tires quickly and she said no problem and handed me the pump. I was so grateful to her. My heart was racing at this point. I ended up taking off my sweatshirt and pants and just had my tri suit on. I was running towards the hotel. Thank goodness it was right there. It was only 6 o'clock but minutes seemed to be passing quickly. While running I saw Sheila, Doug's wife. She has this calming aura. She softly yelled good morning to me. I yelled back that I forgot my suit and she smiled. I know she saw my panic and didn't want to fuel it. Made it to the room by 6:05. Scott met me at the door and handed me my suit. Since I was there I used the nice clean bathroom - I knew that was my last time doing that for the next 14 or 15 hours. Zak was up now so I gave him a big hug and kiss goodbye. I kissed Gracie. As I was hugging Scott Zak told me to be careful and have fun and remember mom, he said, don't call anyone names!

The Swim

I got to the water by 6:20 and didn't recognize anyone. Stepped to a grassy area just off the water and started to stretch. Big mistake. Leaned over and was bit by a mosquito on the left cheek, unfortunately it wasn't the cheek on my face. Great I thought, I'm gonna have this rubber suit on how will I get to that irritating itch? Don't think about, just don't think about. Get out of the grass. I walked to the sidewalk and was bit again. This time on my lip. I was scratching it with my teeth and it began to swell. Ugh! It's ok I told myself. Just stay on the sidewalk and put on the wetsuit. I did and then ate 1/2 a banana power bar and the rest of my water. Another woman in a wetsuit was nervously teasing me to choke that bar down! I saw that she had her goggles outside her cap and suggested to put them inside. She told me she couldn't swim like that. I told her that there was a possibility of getting them kicked off and that if there was a chance she could stand it to just try. She just shook her head no. While I was putting my goggles on under my cap the woman I gave the goggle advice too had her sister come and ask me again why to do that. I explained it and while we were talking the woman was putting her goggles on under her cap. She thanked me. I got in the water. The pro's just took off. The water felt good. Cool. I could not believe how calm I was. Swam the backstroke. On my side. The breaststroke. Just got comfortable. Stayed to the back as swimmers began to form lines towards the front of the buoys. There was nervous chatter in the area. Then the cannon sounded. I was off. "I'm swimming off Oak Street, it's Saturday morning, I'm with the group, stay relaxed" I was telling myself. Then I realized I was in a pack of swimmers. The 1st 200 yrds or so was a warm up by myself but now I was in a pack. Ok, just keep moving. "Excuse me", I kept thinking "excuse me coming thru." "There's an open spot." I would swim into it. And then another and another. Hey, this wasn't so bad. I was expecting a lot worse. I was kicked a little and nudged but nothing like I heard about. I kept jockeying forward. It was going to smoothly. I reached the turn around and the atmosphere changed dramatically. I felt like I entered the heavy duty cycle on the wash machine. I was kicked in the head, my arms and then my legs were being continuously pulled on. I would find an open spot to swim in and then it would happen again. Just before the turn back I was swum over. This was something I feared. But it wasn't so bad. The scariest part is having your head under the heaviest part of the other swimmers body. And then my head bounced up, hmmm, that was really weird I thought, ok just keep swimming. Another kick to the head, then pull to my arm,and then to my leg. Now, don't get me wrong here, I wasn't being beat'n and not giving back. I was. This beating I was taking and giving wasn't intentional, we were all just trying to swim. At that point I slowed down and looked, there was a mass of swimmers everywhere. Nothing but white caps and splashing water. Kicking, pulling and just trying to move forward was what this moment had become. I had to make a choice at this point, I could stop and let this madness swim by me or I could try to stay in it and use my energy to swim and fight. I decided to let it go. It was hard watching. It was a wave of whiteness moving very quickly. I actually thought wow, I was in that. I was moving that fast. Then Mike's advice popped in my head, the Ironman isn't won on the swim, you can hold back, you'll be fine. I found an opening and began to swim again. I prayed, and sang and received the occasional kick to the head but it was all good. I arrived at the beach beaming. I felt like I floated out of the water. I found myself skipping I was so happy. I reached the strippers. I actually hesitated going to my 2. They were very young, handsome college boys. What's the matter with you I thought, get up there. They tugged my body off, ok they yelled on your butt, "sure, um ok," I thought, bam the suit was pulled off. That quick, that easy. They were smiling with a sense of accomplishment as they helped me to my feet, "GO, GO, GO" They yelled. I was so happy. I was skipping and running. Laughing. It was the weirdest feeling. I was watching people walking and then others were running. I was taking it all in. I was half way up the helix and heared Michelle, Laura and Sheila cheering, "Go Pam". While passing them I was screaming, "I just finished the swim, I'm so happy!!!", they kept cheering! Just after that I heard Craig, "Go PAM!" WOW I thought, this is great. Changed out of my wet clothes in T1. Ate some powerbar, drank some water, put on the sun screen. Made sure I had my inhaler and everything else I would need on the bike. Started to run out and was stopped by a girl who needed help putting on her bra. Guys are so lucky they don't have to deal with this. When your skin is wet the the nylon and lycra bra just rolls up your back and you have to reach around to pull it down. I helped her and then was off. Now I was running, no more skipping, didn't put my shoes on because I had such a long run. Saw Theresa and Val screaming and cheering. I was so happy to see them. Then I saw Patty, Keri and my mom. I was closer to my bike now. "Go Pam" they were screaming. Got to the bike, put on the shoes and helmet got the bike to the bike mount and who do I hear. "Hey Paaammm" It was Gil! What were the odds? We high fived each other. We were both laughing with excitement. "Come on, let's ride down the helix together!" he said. "We can't" I said, "You go, I'm right behind you." We both laughed our entire ride down. I was so glad I saw him. And then once we were down I watch him pedal away, he got smaller and smaller and then he was gone. The bike portion started. Mile 1 just passed. Only 111 miles to go.

Hey - What Are You Wearing Sunday?

Well, in case anyone was wondering what I was wearing - I took a pic of my bike stuff. You won't really see on the swim - white caps and rubber suits, we're all gonna be dressed the same. :) As for the run, it's gonna be dark! Just so you know, blue shorts and a blue shirt with a white long sleeve shirt to keep me warm when the weather starts to cool.

Thankfully I started writing my check list/pack list last week. Everything got packed today. I may have over packed but after the weather the race has had for the past 2 years, over packing is good.

Thank You Family and Friends

I did my last open water swim and long run Saturday and my last long ride on Sunday. Caroline and I didn't drive in with the group because of our long run after the swim. We were walking up to the beach and I saw the guys just standing in the water, chatting before they got going. I was so happy to see them and sad because I knew that this was the last time. Bittersweet can be overused sometimes but I think that pretty well describes what I was feeling. Saturday was the beginning of the end of Ironman training.

I've given so much thought to the past several months. All the support I have received from my family and friends. I don't think thank you can even begin to express my appreciation to my mom and my nephew Sammy. They have taken such good care of my children while I put in the endless hours of training. They really don't realize what they have given me. Peace of mind, knowing my children were safe, well that's priceless. I don't mean to single out just my mom and Sammy, the auntie's, Jessica, Matt and Nick were a big help too but Sammy and mom were the ones who did most of the work.

My husband, his support was always there. He told me the other day, after he won his football game, GO RAIDERS!!! That he knows how long I've dreamed of doing this and he was happy to be there for me. These past several months have tested our marriage and I'm happy to say we have survived. :) Life is good. I used to think if a marriage can survive infertility it can survive anything. Well, I'm adding Ironman training to that. :) :)

My sister Patty - she has always believed in me - in what ever crazy thing I wanted to do. She will be in Madison with me on race day just as she was with me for all the other big days in my life from having the twins, to my first marathon to Sunday. I know I can always count on her for support.

I will be eternally grateful to Keri. She has supported me thru this adventure. Not to get off track but I have to tell you this story about Keri. And this is hard for me because the story is not one of my finer moments. After I ran the Boston marathon I was freezing cold. I couldn't stop shaking. I walked thru an endless line, first to get my chip off and get my medal, then to get my gear, then walked thru a maze just to try to find my hotel. During this time I called Patty and told her I wasn't feeling very good, to please get some tea ready for me. She said she was coming to find me and I told her NO please don't I'll be there soon. Finally, I saw my hotel. A police officer, who was turning everyone away from cutting thru the barricade (aka the maze) was nice enough to let me thru. He asked if he could take me to the medical tent, that I didn't look so good. I pointed to my hotel and said that's the only place I'm going. Then I heard her, "Pam" "Ppppaaaammmm". It was Keri, some how she found me. She jumped the barricade and convinced me to tgo to the medical tent where an EMT took my temp. It was 91, so they made us go to another tent, where, UGH this was the humiliating part, I was told the only way to get my temp up was to take off my clothes!!! WHAT!!! No Way. With the blink of an eye 2 EMT's started to undress me while another tried to keep a wool blanket over me so none of me would be exposed. Then, I saw Keri, she was taking off her shirt. Ok, she had a tank shirt on underneath, so she wasn't completely naked. She literally gave me the shirt off her back. She then found my baggy sweat pants that I sprayed and resprayed with water repellent- so they stayed pretty dry. I will never forget that. And, while I was warming up with this thing they wrapped me in that forced warm air all over me, she was helping other runners who were there call their families. She even went out into the cold and got the gear bags for 2 girls and returned their chips and got one girls medal for her. It was a Nor'easter and she was out there helping strangers. That's the kind of person she is. She's been there for me on the good training days and the bad and she's going to Madison for race day. She's not just my sister-in-law, she's my friend.

My tri mates. I choked up on Sunday as they said good bye and good luck. I'm glad I had my sunglasses on and was able to control my voice. I don't think they realize what they mean to me. After I hugged Rick, he yelled from his car "Hey, just think of me whispering in your ear on that ride next week!" He really will be out there with me on the ride. He's this remarkable man who has over come his obstacles an now shares his love of cycling with everyone who rides with him. He's as fast as the fastest rider in the group or as slow as well, me, who on many occasions was indeed the last rider in the pack. Those were the rides I would learn so much from him. And Tom F., he just keeps on going. He has such a love for the sport. Just being out there and enjoying the weather, scenery, and conversation. I look at him sometimes and I can see him just taking it all in. Truly enjoying what that moment is offering him. Caroline, little Caroline, she so little. Doug and Scott I. used to tease that she wasn't real because me and Keri would talk about her and say maybe she'll come to a run or ride but she never did until last spring. She's this powerhouse, "You tell me I can't so I'm gonna" kind of person. Doug, fast Doug. He was there as I trained for Boston. Then he joined Vision Quest. My heart sank. I thought for sure our Moo Crew was losing him to the big bad corporate coaching service. But that wasn't who we lost Doug too. No, he didn't die. He's alive and well and living life to the fullest, literally. He fell in love and married his first love. How great is that! Scott I. - he's like the Tin Man, he has so much heart. Cares about everyone but silently. Watching over all of us making sure we are ok, and if he sees a problem or sees a way we can improve on something he lets us know. Never, ever negative. Only positive. Gil, happy Gil. Man, I don't think he's ever upset. He was telling me about the swim at LaPorte. It was my first time doing LaPorte and as we got close to the race site we could see the lake. "Don't let the fish nibbling on your toes bother you." He warned! "What?" I nervously responded. "Oh, come on Pam" he says to me - we're all God's creatures. He looks at life and racing in such a great way. Don't let that fool you tho, he's competitive. :) Tom R., I'm giggling just typing his name. You have to meet him to understand the giggle. He can find the humor in anything. Did I mention he's our club's treasure?:) There's Ken, he tells me he hates running and then runs a local 5k in under 20 minutes. Ok, who hates running and never runs and then does that? KEN! And then there is Dennis. He's taught me more during this training than I could have learned from reading any tri book. He has pushed me when I was ready to quit. He brings out the best competitive me there is. And did I mention that other than my family he's the only one I know who has the patience to put up with my never ending nervous sighing? He told me that on race day you stop for no one. Not even if they are crying, you don't stop you keep going. Well, if he's stopped I'll have to stop. He's never left me behind and there is no way I could leave him. On the other hand tho, we both know that the only place I'll see him is standing at the finish, with a big old grin on his face, as I cross it.

I've written a couple of closes for this blog and can't seem to find the right words - what do I want to say. I know I want my trimates, friends and family to know they will all be with me in spirit on Sunday. And Debs will probably be with me on the phone - "Is this a good time?", "Um no Debs, remember today's the day!" - "Oh, oh, oh, ok, I'll let you go, call me when you're done, love you." I want them to know how grateful I am and that I have learned something from each of them. Ugh! I can't think - this damn race has my head swimming in circles. Thank you, thank you for all you've given me this past year. Now, Madison, bring it on - cause I'm as ready as I'm gonna be.

2364

Well, the race just got more real for me. The bib numbers are in. I was trying to figure out this nervousness. How can I be so nervous? I feel prepared. But can't seem to shake the jitters. It's the same feeling you had when you were a kid waiting in line at the carnival. You wanted to ride the Zipper but when you saw it spinning and flipping and watched how high in the air it was when it stopped and then there was the chance you would stop upside down - well geeze, just writing it I'm getting nervous. But then you got on and well, it was great. The tumbling and turning and laughing and screaming. And then you got off and you wanted to do it all over again. Well, I'm waiting in line to get on.

Time to Clear the Mind

Ok, well, those who thought they knew me are going to get to know the real me these last 10 days before IMWI. It has started. My mind may have been mush before but the haze has set in. The extreme sighing is becoming more frequent. And I am creating small checklists in my mind of what to take, eat, wear, and so on but when I go to write it down can't remember what I just thought of.

I have been reading fellow bloggers and tri mates blogs the last couple of days. They have become retrospective. Clear thoughts about what the past year of training has meant to them. I have given the past year a lot of thought. I have definitely had time to do it with all the long rides, runs and swims. But now, today, as I sit here and try to put it all down - well I can't seem to organize the thoughts. If I have a moment of clarity I plan to put all those thoughts into words but for now - well I hope I can thru the grocery store without buying what I don't need, I hope I put the groceries away in all the right cabinets. I hope I drop the kids school forms off at school and the mail at the post office and not vice versa.

My Ironman - My Incredible Shrinking Husband

My husband started his "Ironman" journey January 1, 2007. With his blood pressure numbers rising he decide to make changes in his life before his blood pressure made those changes for him. In January he changed his diet. In March he started to walk. In June he started to ride his bike on Sundays. Sounds easy huh? Just like all you have to do in an Ironman is swim, bike and run. For anyone who has struggled with weight or who has trained for an Ironman knows that it's not "that easy". Today, he is over 100 pounds lighter than he was 01-01-07. He is my inspiration. He is my hero. He is and will always be my Ironman.

Friday - Verona / Sunday - Rain, Run, Swim

I started writing this blog yesterday, Saturday, thinking not much would happen today, Sunday. I had an hour swim and a 2 hour run on the schedule. The most important part of the training plan was to be finished by 9 so I could be home in time to go to church at 11. Didn't think this training day would be a big deal....... Got in the car at 4:40, half way into the city the rains came down. Hard. Torrential. Wipers weren't wiping the water off fast enough. Lightening. Thunder. The works. UGH! I hate running in this but there was no way I could swim. Lightening = no swimming.

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It was still pouring when I reached tri-beach. Saw Bubba waiting in his car. Gave him a toot and found a spot 2 blocks up. "Rain before 7 gone by 11" I thought. Wait, I needed to be done by 9, well I would hope for the best. The rain let up and then stopped about a mile into the run. The lake was churning. Waves. Waves. And more WAVES. There was no one running. Just city workers picking up trash from the day before. It was still dark but an occasional flash of lighting would brighten the sky. Stopped by North ave. and used the p.a.p. Coming out I nearly ran into a group of guys and one very cold young lady walking down to the lake. It was obvious that they had enjoyed the night before and decided to watch the sun come up before getting to bed. Aaaahhhh, to be young again. They questioned my sanity for 1. running so early and 2. running in stormy weather. Hmmm. They probably drank more alcohol than I have had in the past 2 years and they are stammering towards a choppy lake in the rain - and they are questioning me?! :)

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The miles passed pretty quick. Runners were slowing starting to appear. No one was saying good morning. I was starting to feel like a leper. At least on the bike if you don't want to say hello you just nod. No nods, smiles or hello's this morning. Bubba told me not to take it personally, I was a suburban girl in the city. Finally, with about 4 miles left people starting smiling and nodding back! YEAH! Made me happy. The waves were still out there. The water was turning. Couldn't even see the buoys off of North ave. Was asking myself, how could I swim to the 4th buoy if I couldn't see it? With a mile left Bubba asked if I was going to swim. I could see tri-beach and the water seemed a little calmer inside the the break-wall. I told him to ask me when we got to the beach. Ok, we're at the beach. Swim? I had to try. Even if I just swam the first 200 M, and just kept going around them, it was important that I got my swim in.

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Put on the wetsuit, cap, goggles. Got in the water and felt this piercing in my lower back, and then a burning feeling. What? Grabbed my back and then felt it again! What the ...., something was stinging me. Here was my chance. I could get out right now. No swimming in the waves today. Well, I know I'm not allergic to bees or wasps, so it was just a sting, no damage. Watched as Bub swam away. Enough nonsense I thought. Just go. I don't know why today was different from the other times I struggled but for some reason today was different. I felt relaxed. As a wave came I was able to swim with it. Up and down. I wasn't fighting the water but floating in it. My arms moved me forward, my legs propelled me. I would float and swim, all at the same time. It all fell into place. I was ecstatic!!! Stay calm, stay focused. Just keep going. Thank you Jesus. I can't wait to call Keri and tell her. I can't wait to tell Scott. I repeated those 3 things over and over.

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I made it to 700 M. The waves were coming quicker now. They seemed to have gotten larger. I heard a group of women standing on the running path. I would go up, EEEEE they would squeal, I would come down, OOOOO they would moan. I finally stopped and looked at them. They started running and I continued on, for about 4 more strokes. I checked my watch. It was 8:30. I didn't care how long it took me to get to this point or that it was time for me to turn around. I conquered the waves!!! I ended up getting out of the water at the 200 M mark. All the turning and movement made me feel sick. Like sea sick. Saw a tri mate on the beach earlier in the swim and he had to get out at 800 M because of the sea sick feeling, now it was my turn. Again, I didn't care. I was thrilled with my swim. THRILLED!!! Mission accomplished, run - done, swim (in the waves!!!) - done, church on time - done. :) While in church I thanked Jesus one more time in case he didn't hear me the first 100 times I was in the water.

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One year ago I never heard of Verona Wisconsin. If someone asked if I knew where Verona was I probably would have guessed Italy or Spain. Today I can get there without the help of Map Quest.

Friday was my last training ride on the Ironman course. The weather was perfect and thanks to the sinus infection, I was well rested. Keri drove up with me and we met Bubba. Had made 2 maps of the course for me and Keri so we wouldn't get lost but surprised myself with how little I needed to look at the map for direction. While riding I worked on keeping my mind and body still while climbing the hills and staying focused on being in the moment of the ride. I've learned how defeating it is to think "I still have another loop left". On the other hand, I enjoyed riding with Keri and letting her know what was coming when we would turn a corner. It was a big bang to my confidence realizing I had become familar with the course.

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Race day is less than 3 weeks now. Tick tock. There's nothing I can do now that is going to change my performance on race day. Tick, tock, tick tock.